Has anyone ever told you people that you ROCK?? Well, you do. Thank you for your overwhelming support and loving thoughts. I felt--still feel--that I'm wrapped in a giant warm hug. Any loneliness that I was feeling has been banished. I have often read Dotee's description of her heart expanding. That is how it feels. It is filled with love and bursting at the seams. Thank you, each and every one, for your words and your positive thoughts. They really do matter. They really do make a difference.
I have some ideas kicking around in my head. I've bought a microphone and I'm thinking of mixing my own cd. I spent last night playing with a karaoke thing on the computer. I thought of you guys so often as I was singing..I sang you love songs. :) Nick has an excellent mixer on this computer and he has shown me how to use it. It's taking me a while to understand it, though. It's sort of like making a collage with music. Adding beats here, strings there. At the very least, I would love to record one song just to play for you, because that is an integral part of who I am and the art I have to share. I have dreamed of making a recording since I was a child. Now I am thinking, "Why not?" What's stopping me? Maybe I'll even sell them on Etsy. hehe
I am also thinking big thoughts of travel. I always think of myself as the hub here. I reside in the center (home) while my family comes and goes. Nick and Michael went to Mexico. They got back and Tim left for California. Now Nick is on his way to New York. I like being the constant. They come and go, knowing that there is one who remains and takes care of the necessary things. But when everyone gets back...I'm outta here. LOL This hub is flying off and going on its own excursion. I plan to take the SoulCollage® facilitator course and, as of right now, it is only taught on the West Coast.
I wrote an article about SoulCollage® yesterday and submitted it to Associated Content. It's the first thing I've written in a while and it felt good. It felt good to write about something that I'm excited about.
I think you are all right about the door closing. That job was more about my ego than anything anyway. It certainly didn't feed my family. It paid enough to make me feel that I was contributing, that I could freely spend some cash without feeling beholden (that's a word, right?) to Tim, and it was actually the fruition of a dream and it made me feel good to say that I was copy editor of a magazine...particularly an Art magazine. It was fun while it lasted. It really was. But I'm over it. I was using the money from editing to rationalize not writing so now I am writing again, but I am writing about things that I feel passionate about. That is my choice that I am making.
I am making a conscious effort to stop letting my ego dictate my life. Ego stops us from doing so many things because we might fail and then it (the ego) would look bad. Well, that's the ego's problem. I'm not worrying about failure any more. I'm not worrying about looking funny to others, "who does she think she is anyway?" Who do I think I am? I think I am a vessel that houses an amazing force. The same force that moves the earth and the sun, the same force that causes the daffodils to spring up out of the cold, hard ground. The same force that flows through people from all over the world causing them to pour out their hearts in positive love for someone who was feeling blue.
It's an amazing thing. My cup is full and running over.