Monday, March 26, 2007

A little heart pouring...

Soul Collage cardSoul Collage card

These are my first two Soul Collage® cards. I've had a strong interest in them for a while and have enjoyed looking at, probably, hundreds of them online. Tonight I finally started doing my own. I've linked to their site so that you can read about the cards if you're interested.

I would really like to take the facilitator training so that I could do workshops. I think collage can be so healing. Right now she only teaches on the West Coast. I just may have to figure out how to get there.

Today I have felt both happy and sad. It was a perfect Spring day. The Bradford pear trees are blooming, the redbud is coming out and the air has a soft breeze. I put the windows down in the car and turned up the radio as I ran errands. It felt really good. I love having the windows down and being able to smell the different smells of town..food, cigarette smoke from other cars (hey, it's been a year since I quit smoking..I need to get my jollies somewhere), and some of the trees have a heavenly scent. These things all made me feel happy.

Today I lost my copy editing job. I miss Tim. I am already preparing to miss Nick as he is going out of town on a school trip. I've contacted a few friends here in town who haven't responded and I'm struggling with feeling lonely, yet never alone. These things all made me feel sad.

I struggle with this voice inside me who points and laughs at this 42-year-old woman suddenly deciding to make little pictures and call herself an artist. I'm better at writing, yet I don't enjoy it. I don't enjoy writing just for the sake of writing. It has always been my best vehicle for the expression of ideas, particularly ones of a spiritual nature. Now I am finding that collage and painting are another vehicle. I would like to combine them in some way that helps people. I feel at a loss for how to do that and feel excited that an answer is around the corner, at the same time.

I am full of paradoxes today. It's funny. In my heart, I feel joy. It's incredible joy. Yet I feel melancholy. How can that be?

Thank you for listening, my friends. I try not to do this too often, but then sometimes I think it's good to show our souls a little bit.

Don't worry. I feel more joy than melancholy. I feel like something big is brewing..something good. I feel incredibly joyful. The sadness will pass.

Thank you for being such faithful friends.

22 comments:

Terri /Tinker said...

Change is hard - even when it's good. I'm sorry about the job change - if You're sorry about it. I think things often happen for a reason, even when we don't know what the reason is at the time...maybe it's so you can take that next step, that you might not otherwise take?

I've been fascinated with the SoulCollage cards for awhile now - and have toyed with the idea of the facilitator training myself...

Your art is beautiful, and you write beautifully, too. I think they both must reflect a lovely soul.
Sending you as many ((((hugs)))) as you need. Peace to you~ xoxo

Vintage Wine said...

Hi Lisa

I'm sorry to hear about your sadness and the job and everything... I felt a bit worried for you when I read the first bit of the text but I felt better after reading your last words! I'm sure the sadness will pass! It's strange how you somedays feel both happy and sad at the same time... Try to focus on the happy bit of it. Like taking the facilitator training. I really hope you can take it, because I think you'll be great at doing workshops!
But Lisa, don't ever think you're to old for something or doubting what you're doing! You enoy doing these "little pictures" and your good at it. In my eyes, you really are an artist.

Sorry that I haven't been around here lately but I haven't forgotten about you :-)

Lots of love,
Elisabeth

(By the way, of course I'll show you the scrapbook ;D)

Isabelle said...

(((Lisa))) I'm sorry you've been feeling lonely. I'm sorry you lost the editing job! Maybe that's a sign, though? You are getting more and more inspired with your visual artwork.
I agree with what Tinker said - no matter what medium you use - written or visual -, your artwork always reveals your deep, beautiful, deeply beautiful soul.

Sending you hugs and smiles! I hope you won't be so lonely today. I'll be thinking of you! (((Lisa)))

Dotee said...

Thankyou for being honest with how you are feeling Lisa. About the sadness and joy.

I think it's natural to feel a combination of both sometimes.

And it sounds like you are going through big changes. Internally and externally. Losing your copy job and missing Tim must be hard too.

Your art is poetic Lisa. It really reveals lots of different layers. A beautiful expression of your soul.

The Soul collage cards are very moving. I agree with you that collage is very healing. A way of putting many different aspects of self on paper (or fabric).

I love you and believe in you xoxoxox

Me said...

I entered deep melancholy last night - deep - there is no joy in mine right now. It hit hard - out of nowhere after I wrote my last post.

Change is always hard. And I think that is what I am responding to. I imagine it is what you are responding too...

I had joy too - before I went home - feeling as if I was finally taking all my hobbies and going somewhere with them.

We will see...

One thing about being a written or visual artist is that it is a self-healing process if you allow it.

I guess this ended up being more about me than you.

Sorry.

Sarah said...

Sorry you are feeling down about some things. HUGS for you. You are such a sweet person and should feel so good about yourself. Glad you found joy in your beautiful God given day :) You'll be in my prayers my friend for all the hard things and for the bend in the road. xx

Angela said...

Girl YOU ARE AN ARTIST! A great one at that! Don't you ever doubt that. :)
I am here if ya ever need someone to talk to. Although,I'm not wonderful in the area of giving advice.
I think your cards are wonderful! I have been wanting to do collage's for awhile but something in me just keeps me held back. *Shrugs* Anyhoo, Thank you for sharing with us. Remember you have a friend in Savannah,GA *HUGS*

Emma said...

(((Lisa)))

I know how you feel. I have times like that too. I am sorry about your job. I long for a career as a writer, but getting started seems an insurmountable obstacle. I love your art, and your writing!

Emma

Mrs. Pivec said...

Lisa,

I can relate so well to your post! Though I have not lost a job - and I am sorry to hear of your loss - I understand your loneliness among others as well as the longing to call oneself an artist. It's one thing to find your passion and another to feel validated in it. Our culture validates with money and career status. When I think of how Van Gogh's paintings have sold for the greatest amount of money in history - NOW - but that he was unrecognized in his day, I take some comfort.

I don't think I need recognition or fame - I don't really want that. I just want to make what I want to make for me or for others and if someday I am able to sell some things, that will be great. But if someday I happen to work as a receptionist (currently, I am a homeschooling Mama; I don't get paid for that either!! :) ), I won't identify myself as that. My heart and soul is an artist and so that is what I am.

These funks are so strange. Sometimes they hit so hard and heavy, you think they will never go. And then one morning you wake up refreshed and have a good, good day. Nothing much better than that!

I love those soul cards. Your color palattes are gorgeous. How is your ETSY business going? I've thought about doing it myself someday. I'd love to hear how it's going for you and what you've learned. Maybe you could e-mail me?

Blessings for a lighter mood and a better day,

Nicole

Janet said...

Your soul collage cards are beautiful as is all the art you do. I agree with terri that things happen for a reason even if we aren't sure what that reason might be. The job loss closed a door to make another one available for you. Go with your heart.
Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. I think it helps sometimes.

Jennifer said...

Lisa,

Thanks for posting your first two SoulCollages to the flickr group. Your work has a deep feel to it, I was surprised to learn these were your first cards. I'm thinking of doing the facilitator training sometime too.

Like you, I struggle with calling myself an artist... it is a hard road but at least I feel intense joy in creation. Whether I'll ever sell something is (usually) beside the point for me, although I'm tired of having to give my energy to other types of jobs which I don't enjoy.

I just checked out a neat book from the library called "The Zen of Creative Painting: An Elegant Design for Revealing Your Muse" by Jeanne Carbonnetti. It is a beautifully illustrated and written book about getting to the core of your own creativity. It's really insipring. Check it out sometime!

Peace,
-Jennifer

BlueJude said...

OH BOY...I know that voice and hear it often AND it says the same things to me! Joy and melancholy...hmmm..not so unusual. Emotions are not always that boxed off. They sometimes overlap and create other emotions. The soul cards are good. Always wated to do that! One of these days...sigh.
OK I'll be quiet now. lol

Mrs. Goodneedle said...

I'm sending you a great big blogger HUG! I understand all too well the feelings or turmoil and conflict brewing within myself, I blame some of this on hormones, too. If you can, get out and take a long walk... it's such therapy for me, it works wonders.

Kate said...

I love your Soul Collage cards, they're wonderful. I have heard you mention about becoming a facilitator. I think that is an awesome idea, just go for it. Make that decision to do it and all things will fall into place. You can do it!

kate

giggles said...

Lisa, wonderful to see you chose the joy over sadness! I remember Oprah saying she was thankful when she lost a job because it always pointed her in a better direction! That stuck with me. Hopefully that’s your case. I feel it must be, just because you feel amazing things coming!

For some reason you are alone right now….listen to the whispers….they are the key to what’s next! We sometimes need that complete silence to hear them! I hope you will share the blessing that comes out of this!

Seriously when I look at your collages I feel things…they speak to me…like no other ones do! They are special….the one with the woman hiding…unable to speak….something wonderful about them!

Lets drink to better days, and resolve!

Hugs Sherrie

Pam Aries said...

Lisa... as you know..sometimes the Universe has a way of changing things FOR us! This job loss will lead you to something wonderful! i saw soul collage cards on Creativity portal! Very cool..I wanted to do them but haven't yet!...YOU are an artist..do not doubt yourself! I a mforever in awe of your prolific creativity! I agree with Tinker an d all the others! I think you are just feeling vulnerable right now !

judie said...

We all LOVE you Mz. Lisagroggyfroggy! Remember that!

Julie H said...

Oh Lisa how I wish I could make it all go away for you.

I have the same feelings about the art sometimes - and those are the days where I go - how much sillier is it to chase a little white ball around a gold course or to collect popsticks! And later I go back to appreciating the art.

I am sure your hubby is missing you - and the reunion will be wonderful.

Kai said...

Your cards are just gorgeous..they let the light from your being shine through them Lisa..
You reflect back all thats good and right in this world and im glad you think of me as a friend.
PEace and blessings..Kai

Blue the Spa Girl said...

Wow, sounds like you have a case of the BLUES.
I get them too. I think it is only natural.
Sorry to hear you lost your editing job.
I feel like making art too, the Soul Collage especially, as it really sings to my heart.
Yours are so good Lisa. Keep doing them. They are such a good outlet. The only way to get great is to keep doing them. You are off to a great start.
In fact, you have inspired me to start mine.
Thank you!!!!

SiouxSue said...

Hey, we are always here for you...just wish "here" was closer. The Soul Collage cards are beautiful.

If you feel funny at 42, think how I feel at 64!!

MAHIMA said...

you're right about collage being healing. i do a stream-of-consciousness collage every morning, like morning pages, except i do that instead on morning pages on some days. i'd explored soul collage some years back and then lost touch with it. just yesterday i rediscovered it and am starting a deck today.