Thursday, September 27, 2007
Thank you all for your kind responses to my bad day. They are all appreciated and all made me think. Thank you, Anonymous, for the Conversations with God quote. Very fitting.
I had a wonderful day off yesterday. I walked to my favorite bookstore and took time to really look all I wanted. I left with two books. One was on Ganesha and I bought it mostly because I liked the artwork in it. The other was about labyrinths and different ways of walking them. I am enjoying it a lot.
I walked to a consignment shop and had a look around and then walked back home.
I did a lot of meditating, walking and soul-searching.
I made a decision.
I'm giving them my notice.
I've been waiting for a sign. DUH! Let's see....I don't want to go, Patrick said, "hey, why don't you not go?", and ummm, oh yeah, I don't want to go. I want to be home, doing things that matter to me and to this family. I honestly can not make myself care whether or not Stein Mart or the credit card company make a profit. In fact, asking people if they want a credit card knowing that when I run it through, their credit score goes down, is very difficult for me. Yet I am required to do it.
Does anyone else see the dunce cap on my head? Why have I even needed to think about it? What is there to think about?
I am so grateful for this decision being made. I was having trouble focusing on the NOW because my energy was being used to think about the decision.
That will be a lesson to me (and perhaps to you?) for the future. Anything keeping us from experiencing the NOW should be dealt with quickly.
Our thoughts are so important; so powerful. I can see where my thoughts have led to things I've wanted and not wanted. I am still learning every day. It's a wonderful journey. Life is amazing.
I'm so glad for you, my friends, who are so good and kind to me whether I am running, walking or tripping on this journey.
I appreciate you.
Edit: I just came back to say, I kept waiting for something to happen so that I felt "safe" leaving this job. But sometimes we have to leave first, trusting that something wonderful is about to happen. I know with all my heart that I am making the right decision and that an amazing opportunity is coming to me or will be created for me or by me.
It's the same feeling that I had when I began to look for Patrick. I am so grateful that I listened to that voice inside me, for life with him is beautiful and I am at peace. His genuine love for the boys and me is comforting and gives us all a sense of safety and peace, and we offer it back to him without reserve.
Ok, I have to get to w-o-r-k now. I have my resignation letter typed out and ready to hand in.
Love you guys.