I had a bad day yesterday. It started out as "one of those days." You know, those days when you drop everything you pick up or traffic seems out to get you.
I prayed all the way to work, as I normally do. When I say, "pray", I don't mean petitioning so much, I mean I give thanks for the wonderful (and sometimes, not-so-wonderful) things in my life and I tell the Universe what I intend and expect. I often say that I am love and light to others, customers and coworkers.
Yesterday I did that, too, but I also asked the Universe to make it easy for me to know I wanted to leave my job. I chuckled at myself as I backtracked and told the Universe that I didn't want anything bad to happen, though. (Old views of a vindictive or tricky God resurfacing).
I could feel that the negative ideas about work continued to stay with me, despite my prayers.
Every customer coming in seemed to anger me, "Don't you people have anything better to do with your money?"
Then, other things began to irritate me.
Finally, a woman came in and made a negative comment to me about something in the store. I tried to be nice and she kept on with it and I let a smartass comment find it's way through my mind and right out my mouth. She left in the middle of the sale, making sure to get my name and letting everyone in the store know just how evil I am.
Later I was being quizzed by "corporate" about something totally unrelated, just job stuff and the woman came back by, made a note of my nametag, "Lisa.....good." Then she stood in the doorway smiling in a way that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and walked out.
"Corporate" asked, "was that your buddy?" Yep.
By then, of course, I was fighting tears. When my little test was over, I drove home for lunch and cried for half an hour and then went back to work.
I felt horrible that I had allowed myself to lose my focus. I wasn't light. I wasn't love. I just reacted to negativity with negativity, leaving a void, a big dark hole, in her day and mine. One small comment caused chaos and emotion for all those surrounding us. It was totally unnecessary. It bothered me all night.
But today is a new day. Today there is another chance to be light and love. I have meditated and filled myself with divine, radiant, loving energy.
I also don't have to go to work. :) That should help.
I must find another way of contributing financially to this family. Retail rapes my soul. I cannot relate. I know the Universe will show me the way. But first, I must concentrate on the future rather than obsess on how much I don't want to work retail. Thinking about how much I don't want to work retail gets me...guess what? Right...more working retail. All the Universe hears is "work retail, work retail, work retail..." Bam....Here ya go, Lisa...retail.
This is for the Universe..."write children's books, edit, write about spirituality, teach SoulCollage, create, and watch the money flow in." Got that Universe? Thanks :)
Feel free to chime in.
Thanks for listening to my ranting and venting and praying.
I have such a wonderful life and have no excuse for feeling sad so I'm going to stop it right now.
I'm going for a walk to look at children's books. A coworker told me, out of the blue, that she could see me being really good at writing books for children.
I am taking it as a message from the Universe and looking into it. What do you guys think about that? It's crossed my mind before but I've never seriously considered it before.
Ok...now I'm rambling. I'm not going to reread this because I have a sneaking suspicion that I would end up not sending it.
Love you all.