Saturday, May 27, 2006

Blogger Problems

I wanted to show a picture of my front door window but Blogger is not allowing it. Every time I try, it freezes and I have to start all over. I painted the window a while back on a whim. I had seen some beautiful examples on Craftster. It turned out ok and the family really liked it, so I left it. It was nice because noone could see in but I didn't need a curtain.

When I looked at the pictures of the front of the house, that window bothered me. It looked dirty, rather than painted. So, I cleaned off all the paint. I had thought I might repaint it with a daintier (is that a word?)... a more dainty design but I am really enjoying being able to look out and see the lush green outdoors. I think today I will see what kind of sheets I have lying around and make a curtain for the door.

I should mow, too. We'll see. I have not been feeling well at all. I feel like I have a sunburn, yet Tim says I don't feel hot at all. I'm 41...what do you think it is? ;) Sigh..another cycle of life. I could live with the hot flashes, but I'm also feeling sick and having a lot of headaches. I did some research and found that it does occasionally accompany menopause. Terrific.

Ok, whining over. :)

If I make curtains, I'll try to get a pic. Right now my sewing place is filled with little paper strips as hubby was trying his hand at making beads last night. He made some really pretty ones but was frustrated because they didn't turn out as he imagined.

I feel so weepy today. I hope it is a physical thing that can be addressed. I don't like this! I just have to push myself to do anything the past couple of days. I feel tired without doing anything. My mind won't shut off from the second my eyes open until blessed sleep comes again. Everything I've ever done wrong..anyway I've ever failed anyone replays itself over and over. If only.... If only I had done this...If only I hadn't done this... Right now life could be like this or that.

Maybe it has to do with Thursday. It would have been the 21st anniversary for my ex and me. We had our wedding reception in my mother's backyard and I just happened to be at mom's Thursday. She asked "do you remember what we were doing this time 20-some years ago?" I think going home was just too much for me this time. Too many memories. Too many regrets. Home reminds me of when all the choices were in front of me and I wanted so much to make the right ones. I prayed. I was careful. I started out doing everything right. Then, I stopped trusting God and like Peter, I sunk. My sadness comes in knowing that I took other people and their dreams with me.

I am grateful that I once again trust God and that I do look to Him to guide me. I never thought I could believe again. I was just so convinced it was all a lie and it made me so angry because I had centered my entire life around God. When I thought it was not real, I destroyed it all...singlehandedly. Why God would give me another chance to serve him is just beyond my ability to grasp. That's grace and I accept it with everything I am. I am so grateful. Yet the consequences remain and I have to live with them every day.

If you are reading this and you are thinking about doing something that you just know is the wrong thing...don't! If your heart is torn between faith and reason, go with faith until God reveals the reasoning. He will. Align yourself with others of strong faith. Talk with the older women. Avoid people who seem to revel in doing the wrong thing and think it's funny when someone "pure" does something bad. It isn't funny. It is tragic.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

This verse is the best advice in the world. If you do this, you cannot fail. If you do this, whatever is false, ugly and evil will reveal itself to you and will disgust you. Stay close to God. Jesus is the vine, we are the branches. It is so true. As soon as we stop taking our sustenance from God, we shrivel up and die away. I did. Thank God I have been replanted.

Wow. These kind of blogging days sneak up on me. I hope you guys don't mind too much. I feel better, emotionally and physically, already. My sleeves are soaked from wiping tears so I could see to type. lol My hope is that I may prevent someone from making the mistakes I've made and to assure others that God forgives. He can use us again, as imperfect as we are. Life can be rebuilt and wounds healed. But none of this restoration is possible without Christ.

End of sermon. Hopefully I'll be back with curtains later.


Hulda said...

Dear Lisa, I`ve read your blogpost, and I hope you feel better now. It is not good whit such days. I think about you.

Lisa said...

Thanks so much, Hulda. I do feel much, much better now. Maybe I just needed a good cry. :)

Karen said...

Your thoughts about God are very inspirational. We all make mistakes and well, that's how we learn. I do hope you are feeling much better now and my thoughts are with you.

Lisa said...

Thanks Karen. I really appreciate that very much! I am feeling much better now. I guess I needed a few shoulders. :)

Anonymous said...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lisa!}}}}}}}}}}}}}} (excessive cyber hugs) You made me cry! Hope you are feeling back on top form. Sometimes I panic about my faith, I was having a bad time with this and that the past few days and a brother came to me and asked if I was ok, that he believed God had put me on his heart to pray ( I was veering into can't cope mode with stuff, but I'm ok now)

(I'm just having a quick blog whilst hubby watches drivel on the telly).

About the passing of the years. I am so distressed at my hair. The hair dye didn't cover my grey this time!!! Yikes. - sorry to moan about something trivial, but yikes!. Blessings.

Lisa said...

LOL I've decided to stop with the hair dye. I am getting pretty gray around the edges, but I don't really mind.

I feel better. I am not sick anymore and I'm over the little pity party. :)

AND I bought fabric today. I took pictures but Blogger is forbidding me to post them. lol I've tried 3 different times and it keeps locking up. I'll try again later. Good to see you. I miss you. :::lower lip sticking out for a proper pout:::

Anonymous said...

Aww, I'm glad you're better. I've been missing my blogging, but we have (and are) going to be really busy over the next few days. But I had to pop in to see Lisa :o)

I would stop with the hair dye, but the only times in my life since about 14 I have not dyed my hair is when I was pregnant (I was worried about the chemicals). I have (yawn) mousey brown hair, now brown-grey. My mum didn't help by noticing failed hairdying by looming at my hair and announcing, "Oh no, you're going grey, my daughter's going grey!". And I'm all "shhhhh!".

Too vain I know ;o)

Lisa said...


Cindi said...

Lisa, I am sorry I haven't been on in a couple of days. I need to e-mail you my phone number. Or you e-mail me yours. My e-mail is I hope you are feeling better. I am praying for you!

Lisa said...

Cindi, Thanks. That's so sweet. Gosh, I have nice blog friends. :)

I'm all better now. I think the trip home and the logistics of going just put my stress levels over the edge. I'm not sure why I let myself do that.

I will definitely email you my number, though. Just because. :)

Anonymous said...

You made me sniff-sniff again. I'm on memory lane on your blog, it's funny I remember so many of your posts still, lol.

And I'm still going grey....I'm only 33 for crying out loud!

Loves ya Lisa.