Friday, January 23, 2009

Secret #3 Following your Fascinations

Meditating Angel

This chapter was very much about the willingness to take calculated risks and being brave.

I am not feeling very brave this week.

I have a SoulCollage workshop on the 29th that's been planned for a long time and as much as I try to talk myself into wanting to do it, I don't and I feel afraid.

Afraid that I'm not prepared enough.
Afraid that I'll get tongue-tied.
Afraid that people will be bored or expect more than I know how to give.

But I'm not bowing out. I'm going and I'm going to be positive and do the best that I can, remembering that this is not about me giving a workshop but about them learning a new tool for self-knowing and healing.

There, I feel better already.

It is an interesting tug-of-war that goes on within me and perhaps many artists. I make things that express something about myself and I want to share them. But then, the inner critic starts whispering (shouting) to me and I resist sharing.

I start thinking that I should just do art for my own enjoyment without sharing it. But then, this strange compulsion to share it overcomes the critic. What is that?

Sharing is always filled with risk, isn't it? Or at least we perceive a risk. Becoming vulnerable is not a light choice that we make. We put our souls out there where everyone can see them and it's truly a little frightening sometimes.

I am feeling that uneasy vulnerability right now. I feel myself wanting to pull back and abandon the dreams I so boldly posted only a couple of weeks ago.

But, I won't.

I won't because I remember that just a little over three years ago, I was living in an unhealthy relationship, thinking that I deserved nothing better, and had no idea that I was an artist.

Then I discovered the amazing world of collage, which lead to other creative pursuits and to my healing and realization that I deserve to be loved completely and sweetly. I learned to love myself completely and sweetly.

Then I sold some art and started forcing myself to own the identification as artist.

Today, I am an artist and accept this as a part of myself as freely as I accept that I am woman. There is no denying it.

I had the courage to leave a bad relationship.

I had the courage to walk away from a house and security and find a job and an apartment.

I had the courage to call my best friend and tell him that I loved him and now he is my husband.

My mom used to say that I was a "creature of comfort." She was referring to my choice of clothing and in that respect, she was right and I am still.

But in the rest of my life, that is not true.

Life sometimes requires us to leave our areas of comfort to find the sweet satisfaction of being aligned with our highest purpose.

My highest purpose is to help others discover that there is nothing in their past that makes them unworthy to be loved today and the best way I have of helping others discover this is through art.

So to my inner critic I say, "Thank you. I know you are trying to protect me from rejection and ridicule but I've got this covered and you can chill out now."

What scares you?
What is your highest purpose?

25 comments:

Kavindra said...

I never get the "do art for your own enjoyment." To me art and poetry are forms of communication, and we would naturally want our messages to go out into the worls and to hear what others have to say in return.

ANd having said that, I am in awe that you are going to lead this workshop in spite of the fear ... the fear is nothing, what is awesome is your bravery and refusing to let fear stop you.

I bet it's going to be a wonderful experience for you and your clients. Tell us about it afterwards please.

etherealgraphics said...

Lisa, whenever you hear the whisper of self doubt, choose to shut out this egoic voice. Be still in your mind and just listen without placing a thought there . . . something amazing with whisper . . . and you will know you're not alone! Perservere!

Art Visions said...

Lisa, this is a wonderfully honest post. I appreciate your humbleness and your determination to push through your self doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

You will do well!!!

PS: Is there a way to learn more about Soul Collage?

Natalie said...

Bravo, Lisa!

I often feel vulnerable too, even just blogging!

I loved your post, especially the bit where you rang Patrick and told him you loved him. You come across as an honest and wonderfully warm, creative lady.

Of course you will blitz your workshop and any thing else you try, because you are you. :D

Dragonlady said...

I admire you for taking the plunge to do the workshop..I know once you do the first one, you will be so happy about it and you will gain your confindence...

Saying a prayer for you...
Brenda

gemma said...

Froggy, It is amazing seeing you completely turn into a butterfly these past few years. You, probably more than any of my other blogging sisters have changed the most and for the best!
Namaste baby cakes!

Artgalcrafts said...

Hi Lisa reading your blog reminds me of myself.
We all have self doubt but shouldnt have as we are all talented in what we do. We wouldnt be there doing it otherwise. it is because we love what we do and want others to have the same nice experiences with us.
When I was teaching fabric painting my thoughts were like yours thought I wouldnt be able to do it on the day, but it always turned out fine as when I got to it It was my "thing""and it just flowed from me., so I shouldnt hav e had any douts, it is all there inside of us.
So have fun and a lovely life, now that you are where you want to beXXX

traveler one said...

Oh how I wish I could be in your SoulCollage class!! It's going to be so incredibly wonderful... I have no doubt! I'm such a newbie in SoulCollage but already I have friends asking if I can teach them I wish, wish, wish that I had more to share!

Now's your time to LEAP!!

KathrynAntyr said...

You are so brave! This post is filled with evidence that speaks to your courage. I admire a person who listens to her heart and inner voice to make choices that we find are out of necessity. Leaving the unhealthy relationship and perceived stability is one great example. You took such a risk in opening up to your now husband. You are doing the right thing by looking at these risks and observing how your life improved {and immeasurably I might add}.

It is good too to acknowledge those inner critics. Once you do you may find that you take the wind out of their sails.

This week in my Soul Journal I'm looking at the word "Release" and the page will be about letting go. Swing by on Sunday to see what I come up with. I find it helpful to have a page that reminds me that there is a strength that comes in releasing.

Lisa said...

Kavindra, when you put it that way it makes perfect sense that we should want to share it! Thank you for your kind words. I will definitely let you know how it goes.

Ethereal, thank you for that beautiful advice.

Art Visions, thank you so much. Yes, there is a way. You can go to soulcollage.com or kaleidosoul.com.

Natalie, thank you my sweet friend.

Thank you Brenda. I sure hope so.

Gemma, wow. What an amazing thing to say. Thank you. I especially like the babycakes part. heee

Artgal, thank you. That brings me comfort. Oh, and about the page background. I liked the colorful one, too, but felt that it was difficult to read.

Thank you Traveler! Have you thought about becoming a facilitator? Sounds like you're on your way already!

Kathryn, Thank you for your beautiful words. I'm looking forward to seeing your post tomorrow and I am eventually going to do something with your prompts. Perhaps "release" will be a good place to start.

Genie Sea said...

Acknowledging your fears and still moving forward is the very essence of risk. That is the essence of a true leader. :)A brave and inspiring one. :)

Lisa said...

Thank you Genie! I will remember your comment if I start to feel less than that!

Belle said...

What a beautiful, beautiful post. I loved what you wrote: "Life sometimes requires us to leave our areas of comfort to find the sweet satisfaction of being aligned with our highest purpose." I'm new to your blog, and your life and your courage sing out to me. Three years and you've accomplished so much. It is so very inspiring.

dolci said...

Lisa, I am awed by your talent and courage. Your blog looks wonderful and your post about overcoming your fears is beautiful. I'm sure that your Soul Collage Workshop will be successful.
Please let us know how things go.
Janet

Annie said...

Lovely post Lisa! It is normal to have some self doubt when doing something scary like teaching that class, but I KNOW and I think you know too that you will do a wonderful job, they will all love you and learn a lot and it will be a magical time for you! And good for you not giving into that silly voice of doubt. XOXO

Tricia said...

hi lisa. thank you so much for your blog visit. i am so glad to meet another artist in roanoke.
your blog is SO lovely and i look forward to spending some time looking around. one thing i love already, other than your great collages, is the honesty and genuineness here.
i know you will do a great job in the workshop.
do you know about the altered art group that meets at the vinton library once a month? i was going for a long time and really enjoyed it. i have some health issues now that have kept me away but i am thinking of going again soon. the women in that group are a special sweet bunch.
blessings,

Kate said...

I agree with Gemma it is amazing to watch you grow. Thank you for being brave enough to take us with you on this journey.

Kate

Jessie Lilac said...

Hi Lisa, I'm in awe of your courage. That's such a lovely story you told on this post, it's monday morning here and it's just the start to the week I needed. Thankyou so much for sharing. I can tell from your words your workshop is going to be wonderful.x

Marie Reed said...

This was an inspiring post! I feel stronger reading about your reflection,fears and determination! I am a bit time obsessed. I'm afraid that it's passing to quickly and try not to go to sleep in case I'm wasting it. But... We NEED to sleep and a nap once in awhile is heavenly. I have to force myself to enjoy that aspect of life too:) Came over from Nathilie's blog... Sorry about the long comment!

CynthiaMarie said...

Lisa, you are always one of my favorite inspirations! You grow girl!

honoring your creative process and even your fear!

Merry Thyme Fairy said...

hi lisa!

i believe that we should never deny the world the beauty that is ours to share.

your post here is BRAVE. very brave. and that courage - to be 'vulnerably' honest, to let go of expectations, to connect on a heart-to-heart level - is just waiting to shine when you teach your workshop. :)

Fatma said...

How very courageous. It comes from walking your highest purpose and you found it in heART! Love your story.

Lissa said...

I admire your compassion & courage. Love your "got it covered, you can chill out" I am so going to use that on my inner & outer critic(s) as well!

esk said...

What an awesome story!

I could totally relate to your fears about your workshop. I had to do a poetry workshop and the number of people that signed up was less than my colleagues' workshops - so already, I was feeling "some kind of way." I instantly figured that the people that signed up for my workshop only did bc the others were filled!

I did the workshop and my passion came out...I had them do poetry exercises and some folks even cried bc they got in touch w/their inner selves...

All that to say...you are brave and your passion and light will shine. They will love you and will scream for more!!

Thanks for sharing and being so transparent. Great inspiration.

Sue - The Purple Pixie said...

Hiya Sweetie,
Just catching up on my blogging friends.

You are amazing! What a journey. And you give me courage and strength through this post.
I love you my glitter sister!

Sue xxx